5 Ways to Spark Up Your Relationship and Make It Last
By Sue Brenner, PCC, PMP

Do you and your significant other enjoy each other’s company, but just don’t spend enough time together? Have you been in a relationship for a while and find yourself wondering where the magic went? With Valentine’s Day approaching, use these 5 tips to deepen your love and build a relationship that lasts.

1. Create a date night.
   Swamped with work, appointments and activities for your kids? Make it a point to schedule in real, one-on-one dates with your partner. Just like you’d schedule a business meeting, plan special times to spend together. Not a lot of time after work? Set up a lunch date with your loved one. Whether it’s once a week or once a month, looking forward to and enjoying dates will improve communication and spark your love for each other.

2. Forgive and move on.
   Forgive your partner out loud for a shortcoming or mistake he or she made. Be willing to move past it. It’s fine to explain the impact the other person’s action had on you, but also state how you’re going to move past it. Forgiveness invites empathy into a relationship and reminds you that you’re both human. Make deposits in the “forgiveness” bank. Make withdrawals when you yourself need to be forgiven.

3. Give love.
   How does your significant other best receive love? Through gifts? Services? Physical touch? Get to know how your partner likes to receive love, then give in the way that she or he likes to receive. For example, suppose you used to give your husband gifts early in the relationship. But, over the years, you’ve learned that he appreciates services much more. So the next time he’s away on a business trip, take his car for a needed tune-up, fill the tank with gas and visit the car wash on the way home. He’ll appreciate this so much more than a CD. Even small things are memorable and invite a feeling of being known, loved and appreciated.

4. Have fun.
   Enjoy yourselves together! You hear it all the time: “My spouse and I used to have so much fun together…” If this is you, bring the fun back! What do you love to do together? What activities did you have a blast doing when you were first dating? Dancing? Hiking? Going to the movies? Start these activities again and feel increased love and happiness return.

5. Get rid of something that bugs your partner.
   Stop doing one or two things that tick the other person off. It won’t take much effort to wipe your feet before entering your girlfriend’s condo. It won’t be that tough to remember to put the lens cap back on your husband’s camera. You don’t have to change a hundred behaviors. Just focus on one or two small things. It can make a big difference. Your partner will feel loved and appreciated. Make that extra effort just for him or her!

Pick one or two action steps from this list and apply them to your relationship. Invite your partner in too—show him or her the list and create ideas together. The goal is to bring yourselves closer on a consistent basis to put the spark back into your relationship and make it an enriching one that lasts.

Copyright © 2008 Sue Brenner

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